It was inescapable - a triage of vitriol that stunk up politics, arts and sports like the spraying three-pronged tail of a skunk! There was South Carolina Rep. Joe Wilson calling President Obama a liar, tennis pro Serena Williams mouthing a string of expletives at a line judge and rapper Kanye West rushing the stage to snatch the mic from winner Taylor Swift at the MTV awards…all within a scant 48 hours. In the aftermath, the politician insisted he didn’t owe anymore apologies (he does) while the contrite rapper and the embattled athlete insisted they were so, so sorry - - former President Carter brought race into the ensuing debate by stating Wilson’s remark would have never been uttered to a white president - mmm…a white president who lies - let me think - nope - can’t think of any…which brings us to the sobering realization that we, as a nation, are running on abject rudeness stemming perhaps from an unearned sense of entitlement. How’d we get here? It seems we’ve forgotten civil discourse and proper conduct - in simple terms respecting each other. In an effort to turn the tide, here are some artifacts that serve as reminders of what it means to simmer down and bite one’s tongue when all you want to do is rant, rave and spew.
One of my favorite directors made a film that was quite out of left field at least in his play book back in the 1993 and it was magnificent. Let’s start a tribute to ‘polite society’ with “The Age of Innocence,” Martin Scorsese’s remarkable adaptation of Edith Wharton’s Pulitzer Prize winning story set in upper class New York City in the 1870s. Watch as a tightly wound Daniel Day-Lewis sacrifices love for honor - he loves Michelle Pfeiffer but is married to Winona Ryder. The melodrama pulls the curtain back on a world of etiquette where participants interact with utmost caution as though guided by a divine rulebook. There are myriad set pieces that showcase minor details like table settings and presentation - there’s even an ode to penmanship at a time when the fountain pen served as the only link for communication. The film is poetic, majestic and moving and right now is a perfect time to reexamine it if only to rediscover what it means to behave one’s self!
Moving on, check out the classic books on etiquette by Emily Post. There are plenty to choose from so that you’ll know exactly what to say at the water cooler come Monday. You can also discover those little details that escaped Kanye, Wilson and Serena during their formative years - there are entire chapters filled with advice on proper decorum and there’s even a blog - two in fact: The Gift of Good Manners and Emily Post’s Etiquette Daily where you’ll find a wide range of topics like Wedding Etiquette, Entertaining Etiquette and Business Etiquette - all designed to give you the upper hand in your day to day affairs.
If you want to improve your linguistic abilities, pick up The Elements of Style by William Strunk Jr., a terrific little book written in clear, concise language that spells out exactly what is appropriate on the page. You will benefit immensely as you pick up all those little gems you missed back in grammar school.
Manners reflect the evolution of the spirit and that’s why it’s so important to engage them at all times because even when you’re sitting alone thinking about stuff, you can deliberate and practice the art of the edit. I edit out thoughts that might induce hysterical outbursts because I’m only human and just as prone to speaking out of turn as anyone else. ‘Think before you speak’ is great advice in these trying times and when we do, let’s try eloquence for a change. How fresh and what a complete departure from the same old, same old. Imagine a world where vulgarity no longer shocks or rules, where people speak in whispers that force you to listen to them - yes imagine that and don’t worry that’s it’s a foreign tongue you’re hearing - that’s the English language and it’s worth giving it the respect it and you and the President and country singers and tennis players and everyone else under these United States deserve! What do you consider the height of civility? Tell us at Venue…
September 17th, 2009 at 1:58 am
First, let me thank you for allowing me to express my opinion on your blog. People don’t relate anymore; they just react. As a society we’ve let lapse our morals and values; our minds are not as quick to consider the actions we take because we’ve come to know instant gratifications. ADD is an understatement in the way people live life today. Best to check yourself, and let the actions of politicians, celebrities and other such personalities dictate what NOT to do.
September 17th, 2009 at 4:37 am
Nothing more that I hate then men who don;t open doors for women and use 4 letter words. Where are all the gentelman?
September 17th, 2009 at 5:22 am
People will have outbursts. Quite frankly, I get tired of all the celebrities who are instructed by their PR “team” to keep it all in their pants. It’s exhausting to witness Tyra Banks deny that she’s not a supreme “tyra”nt who can unnerve even the most unnerving Janice Dickenson. We’re human. We descended from cave people. We don’t always have good manners. We don’t always do the right things. We don’t always say the exact right thing at the exact right time. We hurt people’s feelings. It happens. What we need to do is stop chastising every living soul who steps on someone else’s toes. Look, Serena was pissed off. She felt that she was being treated unfairly. Kanye is a prick and a baby who needs a bottle. It was he who looked like an unhinged moron. And Joe Wilson should be ashamed that he’s yet ANOTHER white dude making the south look racist. But now we get to hear Jimmy Carter stand up and utter that exact sentiment thereby exposing the truth about America’s bigotry.
Maybe it’s because I teach middle school and get goosebumps when kids say “thank you” and “excuse me.” And yes, it’s disheartening when manners are cast aside. But I don’t want to live in an “Age of Innocence” where the porcelain mustn’t crack. Then we’re all just a bunch of liars.
September 17th, 2009 at 5:56 am
It doesn’t pay to be rude, it also doesn’t cost a thing to say something constructive and nice…thanks for the reminder!
September 17th, 2009 at 8:16 pm
Remember when no matter how much one of them disagreed, they always referred to other politicians as “The distinguised gentleman from…” before launching into a counterargument? I’m starting to forget what it’s like to live in a civil society. It’s not about anything more than RESPECT. Respect for others and respect for yourself. That is why we were taught to say “please” and “thank you”, why we were taught to pick up after ourselves and take our turn. To share and be gracious when someone gave us something. r-e-s-p-e-c-t.
A disproportiate number of people in the public spotlight have become more narcissistic and ego-driven than ever before. As a result, we get more and more of this childish and thoughtless behavior. We have to stop rewarding it, just as we would not reward a child who is throwing a temper-tantrum. Being an adult is more than being over the age of 18.
September 17th, 2009 at 10:26 pm
I am always an advocate for polite society. ALWAYS!!!! Rude is never in and rude does not work for me. Always, say,,,,,”thank you.” Say it with a smile. I like your piece this week and look forward to booobs like Kanye getting the boot from the limelight. Why? Because rude is crude.